The Valley

     What I've learned about normal the past year, if anything, is that it is overrated. Normality is something that everyone strives for, yet at the same time normal is also too "mainstream". In my humble opinion, normal is lame. Normal means no risk taking, no taking chances, no trying new things or being brave. Normal means never being able to go to or experiences places and situations on your own. Normal means never experiencing the feeling of adrenalin rushing through your veins, with each pulse of your heart as your bones shiver; The hair sticks up on your skin and your senses are heightened. Normal, to me, just flat out means not living. You see, there is no room in my life for normality. 

     The second most important thing that I believe I learned in the past year is just how quickly time flies. Anyone who is around my age knows exactly what it feels like to be constantly told that phrase; "time flies!". I agree, it is definitely overused. But I don't think thats the problem. I think the problem is that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to slow it down. I think I am constantly focused on how I can stop time just long enough to enjoy whatever the moment is that I'm in at that moment, more so than just focusing on how to FULLY and COMPLETELY enjoy life at that moment. Ive learned that time is going to race by you and there is absolutely nothing you can do to slow it down, speed it up or pause it. The good news though is that you are one hundred percent in charge of how you choose to take the time that has been given to you. You as your own individual is totally in control of when you decide to take a situation as it is, find your joy and make the most of it. Complaining only makes it worse, I promise. 

     Some one told me once how as a Christian, I'm going to experience a lot of those "Jesus high's" that everyone talks about. Whether it's at camp, on a mission trip or in church, the mountain top Jesus high experience is inevitable. Here's the problem with that; have you ever realized the higher you climb up the mountain, the more problems your body begins to face? Altitude sickness my friends, it is real let me tell you. On the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, climbers are only allotted fifteen minutes on the beautiful mountain top to soak in that view. Why? Because your brain would literally explode if you stayed up any longer. The altitude and lack of oxygen would get to you and you would become very sick and most likely die. We as humans just physically are not able to stay on the top of the mountain. Like wise, as Christians, we are not meant to live at the perfect, beautiful mountain top experience either. There is no vegetation, no air, no life. In the valleys though, THAT is where there is life; people living and breathing and moving. In the valleys, we are meant to take hold, live with others and share the incredible love and mercy that is in the name of Jesus Christ at the cross. In the valley is where we belong.
     I don't know about anyone else, but I want to live. I want to experience all that God has for me in those valleys, surrounded by other living and breathing people. I want to enjoy life in the moment, reminisce on the past and relish. I want to live each day with the fullest amount of joy remembering each precious moment as they pass by. I want to live life to the fullest. The thought of a normal, boring, quiet life spent on the mountain top does not interest me. 

An Open Prayer to my Parents

     My parents. The two people who have forever cared for, loved, respected, protected, trusted and created me. The amount of love that they have for me is the driving force that continually fuels my faith in You the father and Jesus Christ. In fact, the very love and mercy that my parents continually show me is the love and mercy that Jesus showed us on the cross. If only I could show my parents just how much I appreciate all that they do, or thank them enough to even begin to scratch the surface. Well, that's why I am sharing this prayer...

     God,

normally I would start out a prayer with the phrase "thank you for..." and fill it in with whatever I could come up with in a short amount of time about the day that had just concluded. Normally I would go through listing off the people in my family, (dog's of course included), thanking you for each individual. Normally I would add a couple extra words about my parents just to make sure it sounded like I was extra thankful for them.
     God, what I want to thank you for are many things. First, thank you for placing me with the man and wife that you did. They show me everyday in new ways what it means to be truly committed to a love and fully committed to an everlasting relationship that is bound by God. They are my examples in many ways, but for that in particular, thank you. 

     Second, thank you for the grace, diligence, wisdom and love that my father shares with me daily. The grace seems to pool as I repeatedly make mistakes. His diligence is like that of a carpenter. He refuses to quit until the job is not only done, but done perfectly as he puts is full effort into anything, even if it's just assembling a bed side shelf for my dorm room. The wisdom must be a gift. I am not sure where that comes from but I know that it is not an earthly wisdom. My dad has this understanding of people and their problems that is like none other. He could sit and listen to someone complain for hours without interruption yet still have words that can make the whole rant seem ridiculous at the conclusion. Now God, thank you, thank you, thank you for the amount of love that my father has for my family and me. Thank you for the love that he showed us growing up by attending each game, practice, meet, concert or ceremony. Thank you for the love that it takes to raise three very independent children. Thank you for just the constant knowing of "my dad loves me.". The fact that I have never questioned or doubted my father's love is something rare and precious. Not many people know it and if they do, it's not the way I know it. Thank you God for the attributes that you gave my father many years ago when he first became a dad. Thank you for his ability to have grace, work with diligence, share his wisdom, and love continually. 

     Third, for my mom. My mother is the sweetest woman I know. There are so many incredible qualities that I could point out, like the way that she lives her life and serves others. The way that she loves her children though, may surpass all of her other amazing abilities. 

     You have given my mother the voice of an angel, patience that comes from God, thoughtfulness beyond belief, and loyalty like I have never witnessed. When I say she has the voice of an angel, well you know what I mean a) you're God and b) you're surrounded by angels. But what I mean is just the way she speaks to not only me but everyone else she comes in contact with. Her voice is soothing and inviting, it's sweet and caring but she can make anyone laugh. Her voice is that of an angel and for that, I thank you. Father, the patience that you have blessed my mother with was definitely not passed down to me. I could not think of any other person in the world that could be treated so horribly by someone she loves so deeply, but still welcome them daily with open arms and forgiveness (especially in the middle school/high school years). God thank you for her patience that is not from this world, I continually learn from it day by day. God her thoughtfulness and her loyalty go hand in hand. She thinks of everyone else she loves so dearly before herself and shows her loyalty to them in the way, that sticks out to me the most, that she prays for each individual. She loves people so well, cares for them and makes it her duty to make sure that they feel loved and comforted by Jesus. Her loyalty is shown through her prayers and the constant checking on of friends and family when she knows that they are going through something big, or maybe just because she wanted to. I adore that about my mother. 

     You very well know that it was not until this past year that my mom became my best friend. I didn't realize how incredible she was until I was able to leave and be on my own for some time. When I came home, all I wanted to do was sit and listen to her talk for hours. Still I wish that we could just spend each passing day talking and laughing. It is going to be so hard to say goodbye to my mother and best friend again, but what I am learning and eventually will know, is that this next journey apart will continue to grow us as individuals and bring us closer. 

     God, you know that I have not even scratched the surface on how thankful I am for my two parents. I can't imagine how hard it must be as a parent to say goodbye to their child as they leave for a gap year of their freshman year of college. All I can think of is how hard it is saying goodbye to the two people that know and love me better than anyone. What I hold on to though is that when I look back at my relationship with my parents before I left this time last year and scan through quickly all of the images that represent the growth of our relationship, I can only imagine how much our relationships with continue to grow. So thank you God for my parents and for the love patience, wisdom, thoughtfulness, etc. that you have bestowed upon them to share with their children. 

Amen.

Nine Months Later

     Our group arrived back in Durango Colorado at Camp Kivu yesterday morning. Celebrations and reunions made up most of the day when we saw the other group. Nine months later. We're back. Don't ask me where the time went because I have no idea. Nine months later and we are back in our seats in the auditorium where it all began. Where we all first met.

     This year has been a roller coaster of emotions to say the least. There have been so many highs traveling with my group through South East Asia, Africa and The Middle East. Just as well, there have been a great amount of lows...but what do you expect when you are traveling and living with the same people for nine months? The past four months were horribly incredible. 

     Since being back here at camp, I think most of us have come to a similar conclusion; we don't want to be here. This is not to say that we don't love camp Kivu or that we are not excited to see our families in just two days, because believe me, we do and we are. I think what I'm trying to say is that we don't want this year to end because we don't want the friendships to disappear or the memories to fade. I don't want to go back to a normal life doing the whole college thing and becoming a sorority girl. I don't want to live life with any other people than this family that I have right here. What a selfish way to think. 

     Read Luke 9: 28-36. It's the account of Jesus' transfiguration. Peter, John and James were with him on the mountain when it happened. It was such an incredible experience that Peter did not want to leave. In fact, he asked Jesus if they could build three shelters-one for Jesus and one each for Moses and Elijah who also appeared during the transfiguration. Up to that point, it was the coolest and most incredible thing Peter had experienced. And he just wanted to stay. But the Bible says "he did not know what he was saying". Had Peter stayed there, he would have missed out on the rest of his relationship with Jesus. He would have missed all the rest of Jesus teachings and miracles. And he would have missed out on the cross and the empty tomb. And there would have been no restoration on the beach. And Peter could not become "the rock upon which Jesus built his church". And Peter would have missed out on all of the ministry God allowed him to do after Jesus ascended to heaven. Today I am in a position very similar to Peter right now. At the end of a mountain top experience. And as near as that experience is, as much as God has revealed to me this year, at 20 years old, he has a lifetime planned for me. And like Peter, I can only experience the fullness of God by moving forward with him. I should not think of this summer as the next chapter in my life of just waiting around for something big to happen, for God to use me. I should not see the next four years of college as the waiting period either. This summer and the next four years ARE the next moments that God needs to use me. 
These moments are incredibly bitter sweet as we say our goodbyes to our friends and the family that we have built here. I have realized though that God is ready to use what we have learned as we move back home and eventually to college; our next, separate, adventures. 

Revelations in Rwanda

Transformation [trans-fer-mey-shuh n]: a change in form, appearance, nature AND character

     When we are saved, we are transformed by Christ. To use the word "transform" in this progress is to state that this is not something that you place half of your efforts in. A transformation requires a FULL and COMPLETE change. The definition of the word states that the entire object or being changes. Not just a part of me can change while the other half continues to live selfishly in sin. A part of me can not choose to accept the grace God gives us while the other half does otherwise. Either you are ALL IN or not in at all.

Africa

     Over the past few weeks we have climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, relaxed on the beaches of Zanzibar and most recently, I moved to Kigali Rwanda for the next month.
The hike up Kilimanjaro was not an easy one. I only made it to 15000 ft. when I got altitude sickness and had to go down the mountain. I am an extremely competitive person...so when they told me that I had to go down, it was not easy to hear. I was so frustrated with myself and felt extremely week. After going down the mountain and having a few days to myself and one other member of my group, I learned more about prayer and depending on God and not people than I think I would have up on the mountain. While the rest of the group continued to climb, I continued to pray for each of them individually and collectively as a group. No one else came down after I did, so praise God for that. I realized that when I was on the mountain, I was very dependent on everyone BUT God to get me up. As frustrated as I was/still am for not being able to make it to the top, I am incredibly grateful for the lessons that I learned when I came down.
     After the climb, the whole group headed for our spring break trip in Zanzibar. We were able to relax and treat ourselves for five days, as well as catch up on sleep. The two weeks spent with both groups was a blast and I can't wait to hear about the other group's adventures in the Middle East and their time in the Philippines when we see them again in two months.
     My group and I arrived in Rwanda on Thursday and moved in with our home stay families on Friday. I am living with Aimee and Sano, a newly married couple that is already expecting their first baby sometime this month! Aimee has a sister who is my age that also lives in the home. I adore their family. Aimee and Sano are the same age as my sister and her husband and they remind me so much of each other by the way they make me feel so loved and so welcomed. They love to teach me all sorts of words in their language and they LOVE to laugh at me when I attempt to say the words. Their home is very simple with four bedrooms. Their toilet (a hole in the ground), shower room (a bucket filled with water) and kitchen are all outside of the house. The next few weeks are definitely going to be an adventure, but I know they will be good.                            
     Tomorrow I start my internship at Abadacogora, an organization that takes street kids and gives them a place to stay for three months. While they are living there, the children take classes learning basic English, math and writing. As of now I believe I will be assisting in the classes teaching the kids and helping out around the office. I am looking forward to spending the next month here in Rwanda, living with my family and working for Abadacogora!

Joy pt. 2

     Currently, the crew is making it's way to eventually climb Mt. Kilimanjaro as we are all sitting the the Bangkok airport in Thailand. Holy cow. There are so many things about that sentence that I just can't believe. 1: I can't believe that I am going to climb Kilimanjaro. That's a huge deal. I am praying and having faith in Jesus that I will make it to the top! I can't wait for the adventures that we will have during our week of climbing. 2: I can't believe that we are going to be with the other group! It has been so different since the switch up of the two groups, but it has also been really cool to see the dynamic change, and to get to know some of the other people better. That being said, I can't wait until we are with everyone. Lastly, I can't believe that our time in the Philippines is over. The days spent there seemed to have dragged on but the weeks flew by. Just as I was grasping the reality of actually being there, we were pulling away from Water Paradise Resort in our van, headed for the airport.
     My time in the Philippines was great. Incredibly hard in the essence of culture shock, but great. I loved all of the people that I met and the children that I worked with. The ICM staff could not have been better and WPR produced plenty of funny memories of it's own...
     Being on the island of Bohol, emerged in the culture, many of the memories and discoveries I experienced in Guatemala resurfaced. The children I grew close to reminded me of the children that I had met a few years back. Arl, a son of one of the ICM trainers made me think so much of a little boy that I met back in Guat. The children in Guatemala City all reminded me of what joy was through Christ. Before that trip I was in a very dark place, unsure of what I believed, what I was doing and had completely lost all sense of joy. While being there, I saw God through those children as they loved me and showed me what true joy is when found in God.
     My time spent in the Philippines was different. Honestly, I think entering the country I had created these expectations to have a similar experience to Guatemala. What I mean is that I was trying to find joy in everything but Jesus. When I was at work I was seeking joy through the Icm staff and in the children I met and in the communities that I traveled to. When it wasn't work, it was people in other places such as my friends in the other group living in Rwanda, my family back home and old high school friends. When I finally started to be present with the group that I am in, I tried to find joy in them. Not one of these categories of people could give me the joy that I needed. I was let down by all of them. Never have I felt so lonely or so unloved. Now none of this is to say that my friends, family, co-workers or group is responsible; they are not. They are all great people and I am so thankful for each one of them. This loneliness (I believe) resulted in my attempt to experience Christ's joy in everyone but Christ himself. Putting that amount of pressure and those expectations on people is not fair for them or myself. The joy that I needed and continually need is not something that can be discovered through earthly objects or beings. The kind of joy that I need is one that I can only find through Jesus by giving up my expectations, my fears, my hopes. To discover this joy I am required to completely let go of or lose everything so that I may fully trust in God. People will argue "well if God takes everything from you, why would trust him?". By God allowing you to experience the pain of things being taken from you, or experiencing extreme loneliness, all that remains constant is God and that is all you have left to trust in. "Well you can say that so easily if you have never experienced the pain of having everything stripped from you". People all experience their own pain in different ways. Yes, I have experienced the loneliness of feeling as though I have been stripped of everything and everyone. I have experienced the pain of death of close friends, the loss of close friendships, and the pain of believing that there is no God. The fact that I have experienced these pains is the reason that I can also claim that the love and the joy of Jesus Christ exists, as these hardships eventually strengthened my faith. By feeling as if I had nothing, I was forced to turn to God; the only thing that remained constant. I was given the opportunity to experience the joy that is found through God when I met a five year old in Guatemala. I believe that the Holy Spirit was in that boy, allowing me to see joy because it was the way God wanted me to. When I arrived in the Philippines, I think I expected the exact same experience to occur. I was searching for that same joy in the children, the staff, my group and other friends and family. You would think that I would have learned my lesson the first time but I had to experience that loneliness again to realize that God is the only one who can fill me with that joy and love. It was not until after I started to read my Bible and actively seek God that I found this joy again. This being the second time around, I am still thanking God for this experience.
     There will most likely be more periods of loneliness in my life that I will go through but with each experience, I feel that I grow closer and closer to God and that I am able to rediscover that joy that I find in the Lord.

Update

We have started our last week here in the Philippines. It's crazy to think how we are about to leave our first destination...

Working with ICM (International Care Ministries) has been an incredible opportunity. ICare reaches the "ultra poor" in the philippines. These people live off of 50 cents a day and the majority of them have at least two children. ICare holds Transform classes for women, teaching them common knowledge of health and how to raise their families in healthier environments. They also have programs called Jumpstart which reach children from ages four to six in schooling and Bible lessons. While being here in the Philippines, we were given the opportunity to travel with the ICM staff to different Transform programs in several communities, as well as attend Transform graduations because the women had completed their 16 weeks of classes. The graduations were huge celebrations in each community and each woman was so thrilled to receive a certificate of completion along with a pair of TOMS shoes. 

I have loved attending these classes and their graduations. The part that I love the most is how invested the ICare staff is in each woman and their families. The staff go to different communities everyday and could still tell you the name of each individual participant. It's incredible to see the staff interact with the participants, and how much the participants love the staff. I said in my last blog that when Jesus himself came to earth, he did not fix every problem that everyone faced. Jesus did extend his love to each person he met, and gave advice and shared his wisdom. The ICare staff are not a bunch of Jesus's, but they do extend the love that they have received from God. I have loved watching each Transform class and working with the ICM staff. I am excited to take what I have learned here and put it into practice with the people in my group, and the people that I am going to meet in the destinations to follow.